


OwO What's This? Another Group Chat Fic?

by GoldenGaytime404



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Aromantic Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Chatting & Messaging, Coran disappears and reappears a lot, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Dancer Lance (Voltron), Demisexual Hunk (Voltron), F/F, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gay Shiro (Voltron), Group chat, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Japanese Shiro (Voltron), Keith likes Nickelback, Korean Keith (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Speaks Spanish, Lance has pet snakes, Lance's family - Freeform, Lesbian Allura (Voltron), M/M, Panromantic Hunk (Voltron), Recreational Drug Use, Samoan Hunk (Voltron), Texting, Very Minor, no one is straight
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2020-06-26 07:56:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 3,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19763872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldenGaytime404/pseuds/GoldenGaytime404
Summary: HispanicAtTheDisco: They have no ideaHispanicAtTheDisco: Long live the ChampionHispanicAtTheDisco: Long live the GalraHoltMyBeer: see now that was fucking creepy





	1. We All Die You Either Kill Yourself or Get Killed

**Author's Note:**

> Lance - HispanicAtTheDisco  
> Hunk - LambSauce  
> Shiro - Disarmed  
> Keith - Kogaylord  
> Pidge - PigeonOverlord  
> Allura - Aloola  
> Matt - HoltMyBeer
> 
> ~Will Appear Later~  
> Adam: Atom  
> Plaxum: Mermaid #1  
> Florona: Mermaid #2  
> Coran - AGorgeousMan

[Why The Fuck You Lion 12:46am]

HispanicAtTheDisco: when you brush your teeth that’s the only time you clean your skeleton

Kogaylord: Lance

Kogaylord: It is tWELVE FORTY SIX GO TO SLEEP

HispanicAtTheDisco: what do you think i’ve been trying to do, Keith? Make pancakes?!

LambSauce: Lance stayed up watching a horror movie specifically when I told him not to and now he can’t sleep

HispanicAtTheDisco: Why do you have to call me out like this

LambSauce: Someone has too

HispanicAtTheDisco: fair

Disarmed: Kids.

HispanicAtTheDisco: oh fuck it’s dad

Disarmed: You all have classes tomorrow, *I* have work tomorrow

Disarmed: Go to sleep now

Disarmed: Lance, you can be a meme tomorrow when you’ve had some rest

HispanicAtTheDisco: [youre-not-my-dad-gif]

Kogaylord: Jesus Fucking Christ, Lance

LambSauce: I just confiscated Lance’s phone so hopefully we can all get some sleep now

LambSauce: Goodnight

Disarmed: Thank you, Hunk. Goodnight

PidgeonOverlord: Night

Kogaylord: Night

[Why The Fuck You Lion 3:12am]

HispanicAtTheDisco: They have no idea

HispanicAtTheDisco: Long live the Champion

HispanicAtTheDisco: Long live the Galra

HoltMyBeer: see now that was fucking creepy

Kogaylord: GO TO SLEEP LANCE!!!


	2. I Am An Alien And This Is My Mothership

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when i checked tumblr this morning and saw all the memes about storming Area 51 i knew i had to

[Why The Fuck You Lion 8:35am]

Kogaylord: GUYS

Kogaylord: THE TIME HAS COME

Kogaylord: ARE YOU PREPARED

HispanicAtTheDisco: What in the actual fuck are you on about?

Disarmed: I’m both confused and concerned

PidgeonOverlord: Keith wants to storm Area 51

Disarmed Keith N O

Kogaylord: KEITH Y E S 

LambSauce: KEITH NO

Aloola: KEITH NO

HispanicAtTheDisco: KEITH YES

PidgeonOverlord: KEITH YES

HoltMyBeer: KEITH YES

Aloola: wait 

Aloola: lance why are you for this?

Aloola: out of everyone I would've assumed you’d be against it

HispanicAtTheDisco: I’m an agent of chaos

Aloola: of course you are

HispanicAtTheDisco: I AM!!!

LambSauce: I agree with you, Lance!

HoltMyBeer: Lance does give off very chaotic good vibes

Aloola: explain

HoltMyBeer: You don't know WHAT he'll do, but at least he won't harm anybody else in the process. Intentionally anyway.

PidgeonOverlord: does things the most Extra way possible

PidgeonOverlord: screams compliments

Kogaylord: dabs unironically

LambSauce: you can’t tell him not to do something because he will do it

HoltMyBeer: twerks when he realises he’s being watched on security cameras

LambSauce: sits on the armrest instead of the actual couch

Aloola: okay i get it wow

HispanicAtTheDisco: okay the last two are just callouts

PidgeonOverlord: Speaking of segues

PidgeonOverlord: The Area 51 guards can’t stop all of us

PidgeonOverlord: lets go

Disarmed: you’re not going and neither is anyone else

HispanicAtTheDisco: you’re not my dad

Disarmed: Lance.

HispanicAtTheDisco: >:D

Disarmed: I’ll put you in one of those baby leashes to keep an eye on you if i have to

HoltMyBeer: kinky

Disarmed: MATT.

Kogaylord: Shiro can’t stop all of us if we make a run for it

HoltMyBeer: and here we see Keith being chaotic dumbass

HispanicAtTheDisco: that’s not an alignment?

PidgeonOverlord: it is now

Disarmed: if anyone tries to storm Area 51 i will ground you for the rest of your fucking lives

Disarmed: I Swear To Christ

Aloola: wow

Aloola: you made him use capitalisation

HispanicAtTheDisco: OH FUCK 

HispanicAtTheDisco: I’M GONNA BE LATE

PidgeonOverlord: I can’t believe Lance is dead

Kogaylord: late for what???

Aloola: he does dancing

Aloola: how do you not know this?

Aloola: you’ve known him for years

Kogalord: i ignored his existence for most of it

LambSauce: you should go watch him sometime

LambSauce: he’s really good

LambSauce: ;)


	3. We All Die You Either Kill Yourself Or Get Killed

[Why The Fuck You Lion 9:00am]

PidgeonOverlord: you fuckers would not believe what happened this morning

Disarmed: Language

PidgeonOverlord: shut up Captain America

PidgeonOverlord: as I was saying

HispanicAtTheDisco: i’m on the edge of my seat here Pidge

PidgeonOverlord: SHUT

PidgeonOverlord: okay so you know how i work opens because i’m awake at that hour normally anyway? 

Aloola: yes?

PidgeonOverlord: well when i went to clock on at 5am some dickhead managed to slice his hand open with the tomato slicer

PidgeonOverlord: he got blood everywhere so we had to stop for five minutes to clean up

PidgeonOverlord: then we sent him to the hospital to get checked out

Aloola: was he okay?

LambSauce: are the tomatoes still okay?

HispanicAtTheDisco: Hunk has his priorities right

Disarmed: that was startlingly out of character for you Hunk

LambSauce: look if he’s at the hospital then he’s being looked after, right? Food contamination is no joke Shiro!! People could get sick.

Kogaylord: Hunk does have a point Shiro

PidgeonOverlord: we did throw out all of the contaminated tomatoes

PidgeonOverlord: just because it’s mcdonalds doesn’t mean we don’t value OHS 

HoltMyBeer: Everyone in this group chat is gonna die in 6 minutes

Kogaylord: Finally

LambSauce: i embrace death

HispanicAtTheDisco: Oh thank god i was getting tired of trying to do it myself

PidgeonOverlord: bold of you to assume i can be killed

Disarmed: Please let me be first

Aloola: settle down there edgelords

HispanicAtTheDisco: we all die you either kill yourself or get killed

PidgeonOverlord: stfu you stupid meme

HispanicAtTheDisco: shut up u wear glasses

Kogaylord: lol

[Why The Fuck You Lion 1:30pm]

Kogaylord: How the fuck did Lance manage to sneak 7 fucking snakes past the college security???

HispanicAtTheDisco: they’re small and don’t take up space

HispanicAtTheDisco: unlike some people I know

PidgeonOverlord: what were u doing at Hunk and Lance’s dorm? 

Kogaylord: studying

HoltMyBeer: sure

LambSauce: they’ve been there a while dude did you really never notice?

Kogaylord: no?

HispanicAtTheDisco: we literally have dead mice in the freezer and you never questioned it while you raided our ice cream?

Disarmed: kEITH YOU’RE LACTOSE INTOLERANT

Kogaylord: i’ve never stolen anyones ice cream anywhere

Aloola: Wait, what's this about snakes?

HispanicAtTheDisco: wanna come meet them? They’re very cute and their snoots are very boopable

HoltMyBeer: it’s been done

HoltMyBeer: Lance has been broken

HoltMyBeer: by snakes no less

HispanicAtTheDisco: look just because I love William Snakespeare, Snake Gyllenhaal, Monty Python, Reece Slitherspoon, Hissy Elliot, Sssasha and Noodles

HispanicAtTheDisco: does not mean that I’m broken!!

PidgeonOverlord: judging by the names you gave them it’s more likely you hate them

LambSauce: if you think those are bad you should hear the names of his chickens back home

LambSauce: Lance is a huge fan of pun names

Kogaylord: yeah no we noticed

HispanicAtTheDisco: you guys are bullying me

HispanicAtTheDisco: i feel bullied

PidgeonOverlord: you should be used to it by now

HispanicAtTheDisco: i shouldn’t have to get used to it!!

Disarmed: okay everyone let’s lay off him a little

HispanicAtTheDisco: who are you and what have you done with the real Shiro?

Disarmed: what do you mean?

HispanicAtTheDisco: the real shiro wouldn’t have stopped it

HispanicAtTheDisco: you’re a fake

HispanicAtTheDisco: where’s the real one

LambSauce: jesus christ lance take a chill pill

PidgeonOverlord: calm ur dramatic ass down

HoltMyBeer: Shiro he’s onto you man

[Disarmed has left Why The Fuck You Lion]

HispanicAtTheDisco: coward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the kid slicing his hand open thing actually happened to me when i was at work this morning. it wasn't very serious but we did have to throw out all of the tomatoes he's been cutting because he accidentally bled onto them


	4. All I Wanna Tell You Is School's Not Important, Be Whatever You Wanna Be. You Wanna Be A Dog? Ruff, Y'know?

[Why The Fuck You Lion 12:43pm] 

HispanicAtTheDisco: GUYS HOLY FUCK

HispanicAtTheDisco: GUESS WHAT

Kogaylord: ???

PidgeonOverlord: what’d you destroy this time?

HispanicAtTheDisco: why do you always assume the worst of me???

PidgeonOverlord: it saves time

HispanicAtTheDisco: rude

HispanicAtTheDisco: whatever 

HispanicAtTheDisco: guess I won’t tell you now 

Disarmed: Lance

HispanicAtTheDisco: Nope

HispanicAtTheDisco: this could be life-changing information I bare 

HispanicAtTheDisco: But thanks to an unnamed individual in this group chat I shan’t tell you

Kogaylord: just fucking tell us lance 

HispanicAtTheDisco: fine

HispanicAtTheDisco: Voy a ser tío!

HoltMyBeer: where’s Hunk we need him to translate

HispanicAtTheDisco: hes in class 

Disarmed: Shouldn’t you be in class?

HispanicAtTheDisco: shouldn’t you be at work? 

PidgeonOverlord: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Kogaylord: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

HoltMyBeer: OOOOOOOOOOOO

Aloola: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Disarmed: Lance you’re grounded

HispanicAtTheDisco: no I’m not

HispanicAtTheDisco: watch this

[HispanicAtTheDisco has left the group chat]

PidgeonOverlord: what a fuckin power move 

LambSauce: I just looked at my phone

[LambSauce added HispanicAtTheDisco to the group chat]

LambSauce: congrats buddy!

HispanicAtTheDisco: thanks man! youre my only friend

Aloola: Hunk what’d he say

Hunkydory: he’s gonna be an uncle!!

Kogaylord: hey congrats

Aloola: this is most exciting news!

Disarmed: good for you, Lance

HoltMyBeer: that’s my son!

PidgeonOverlord: how does it feel to be a grandfather

HoltMyBeer: idk ask Shiro

HispanicAtTheDisco: lol

[Kogaylord > Disarmed 2:45pm]

[Kogaylord > Disarmed]

Kogaylord: Shiro help

Kogaylord: I’m too fucking gay for this

Kogaylord: Which god allowed this

Disarmed: you’re gonna have to be a little more specific, buddy

Kogaylord: LANCE

Disarmed: what’d he do this time?

Kogaylord: HE’S RUINING MY LIFE

Disarmed: explain?

Kogaylord: HE’S SPEAKING SPANISH AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT HE’S SAYING BUT IT’S HOT AND I’M GOING TO DIE

Disarmed: and you called me a gay disaster when Adam did the same thing to me when he spoke Spanish

Disarmed: it’s kinda weird that Lance is his cousin come to think of it

Kogaylord: THIS ISN’T ABOUT YOU IT’S ABOUT ME BEING TOO GAY TO FUNCTION AROUND LANCE

Disarmed: have you ever

Disarmed: y’know

Disarmed: considered asking him out?

Kogaylord: and risk him saying no? Fuck no

Disarmed: Keith

Disarmed: first off, language

Kogaylord: oh fuck you

Disarmed: second off, there is an infinitesimally small chance he’s going to say no. I’ve seen the way that boy looks at you when you aren’t looking and it’s the same look Eugene had when he looks at Rapunzel in Tangled

Disarmed: he's so in love you, Keith, that even Adam finds it gross

Kogaylord: Adam finds everything I love gross

Disarmed: okay, point

Disarmed: but mine still stands, and no amount of changing the subject will change that, Keith. That boy is in love with you.

Kogaylord: sounds fake, but okay

Kogaylord: i'm gonna go take a depression nap and forget this ever happened g'night

Disarmed: K E I T H

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as you've probably guessed this has no plot other than me trying to get klance together and failing lmfao. Also I do not speak fluent Spanish so p l e a s e call me out if I make a mistake.


	5. Why Are You Running? Why Are You Running?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Hunk has a crush and Keith hates schoolwork

[Why The Fuck You Lion? 5:01pm]

HispanicAtTheDisco: WAKE UP BINCHES THIS IS A FAMILY EMERGENCY

PidgeonOverlord: It’s 5pm but go off I guess

LambSauce: LancE SHUT UP

HispanicAtTheDisco: OUR DEAR HUNK OVER HERE

LambSauce: L A N C E I S W E A R T O G O D

HispanicAtTheDisco: can’t stop won’t stop buddy ;D

HispanicAtTheDisco: HUNK HAS A CRUSH ON THE NEW BARISTA AT MY FAMILY’S CAFE

LambSauce: You’re dead to me

Kogaylord: dumb crushes aside

HispanicAtTheDisco: how dare

Kogaylord: i need help with this fucking assignment it’s driving me crazy

Disarmed: Lance isn’t that kinda mean?

HispanicAtTheDisco: whatchu talkin bout willis

Disarmed: exposing Hunk’s crush?

HispanicAtTheDisco: oh please Shiro if Hunk really wanted to stop me he could’ve and would’ve

HispanicAtTheDisco: this is me exercising my right as his best friend and pseudobrother

Aloola: Pseudobrother?

LambSauce: since I'm an only child, Lance decided when we were 7 that he would be my brother so that I didn't have to miss out on having a sibling

Aloola: aww

PidgeonOverlord: Lance is Soft.

PidgeonOverlord: We know this

HoltMyBeer: no but for real that's real cute

HispanicAtTheDisco: I know I’m cute UwU

PidgeonOverlord: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand he’s ruined it

Kogaylord: GUYS

Kogaylord: H E L P

HispanicAtTheDisco: for christ’s sake mullet just send it

[Kogaylord has sent a photo]

Aloola: oof

LambSauce: buddy,,,

PidgeonOverlord: that’s hard even for me

HispanicAtTheDisco: Keith, your teacher’s a w h o r e

HoltMyBeer: Jesus Christ.

Disarmed: not exactly how I would have phrased it but yeah

Kogaylord: I’m actually going to kill myself

HispanicAtTheDisco: i want in

PidgeonOverlord: me three

LambSauce: count me in too

HoltMyBeer: i crave the sweet, sweet release of death

Disarmed: suicide isn’t the answer, kids, and matt

Aloola: not with that attitude

Disamed: Allura please


	6. My Main Goal Is To Blow Up And Then Act Like I Don't Know Nobody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to my discord friends for giving me i d e a s

[Why The Fuck You Lion 10:37am]

HispanicAtTheDisco: KEITH YOU MOTHER FUCKER

LambSauce: I’m sorry I tried to take his phone

Kogaylord: ????

Disarmed: Just one day. That’s all I ask for. One day of peace and quiet.

PidgeonOverlord:You should’ve known better.

HispanicAtTheDisco: YOU STOLE ALL THE COOKIES HUNK MADE FOR ME

Kogaylord: I didn’t see your name on them

HoltMyBeer: Why were you at their dorm?

Kogaylord: Hunk was helping me with homework

LambSauce: can confirm

HispanicAtTheDisco: Either you give me the cookies or the next time I drive you somewhere I’ll play nothing but Nickelback you fucking emo cowboy nightmare

Kogaylord: Jokes on you, I like Nickelback.

PidgeonOverlord: …

HoltMyBeer: Dude…

LambSauce: I’m sorry but not even I can defend Nickelback

Kogaylord: Some of their songs are good okay?!

HispanicAtTheDisco: It all makes sense now. The mullet, the reek of emo, the Texas

Kogayord: Nickelback is from Canada

HispanicAtTheDisco: Hush, pleb.

Disarmed: Of course you’d know that

Kogaylord: Anyway

PidgeonOverlord: lmao topic changer

Kogaylord: I can’t give them back because they’re all gone

HispanicAtTheDisco: :hammeremoji: :hammeremoji: :hammeremoji:

LambSauce: Stop being dramatic, Lance I can make more

HispanicAtTheDisco: Hunk - A True Friend

LambSauce: on the condition you be nice to Keith for the rest of the day

HispanicAtTheDisco: Hunk - Master of Betrayal

PidgeonOverlord: yes blackmail the blue boy

Aloola: this is less blackmail and more leveraging

LambSauce: Deal?

HispanicAtTheDisco: Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine

HispanicAtTheDisco: Deal.

[Why The Fuck You Lion 2:33pm]

Kogaylord: going to the animal shelter, guess what i’m getting

LambSauce: a dog?

Kogaylord: Euthanized.

Disarmed: Okay time for Keith’s nap

Kogaylord: no nap only death

PidgeonOverlord: jesus dude 

HoltMyBeer: a nap is like a free trial for death tho

LambSauce: sometimes this friend group scares me

Disarmed: you and me both Honk

PidgeonOverlord: Honk

HoltMyBeer: HONK

Kogaylord: Honk

Aloola: Honk

LambSauce: Honk

HispanicAtTheDisco: H o n k

Disarmed: I hate all of you.


	7. Self-Care Is Breaking Into NASA And Launching Myself Directly Into A Supermassive Black Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i've finally come out of hibernation. it's 1am and i'm hungry. it's short, i know take it or leave it.

[Why The Fuck You Lion 3:00am]

HispanicAtTheDisco: what if mothman was just a confused homeless furry

PidgeonOverlord: what if you shut the fuck up and went to sleep

Kogaylord: it’s taking all my self-restraint to not come over to your dorm and strangle you, Lance

[Why The Fuck You Lion 4:20am]

HispanicAtTheDisco: blaze it

Aloola: Lonce. Sleep.

HispanicAtTheDisco: Yes ma’am

[Why The Fuck You Lion 7:40am]

LambSauce: Lance just Naruto ran out of the dorm

Kogaylord: I’m gonna regret asking, why?

LambSauce: he has an 8am class and he woke up 10 minutes ago

PidgeonOverlord: press F to pay respects

PidgeonOverlord: F

LambSauce: F

Kogaylord: F

HoltMyBeer: F

Aloola: F

Disarmed: the one day of the week I have off and you darn kids have to wake me up

HoltMyBeer: it’s how we show affection

Disarmed: can’t you show it in a different way?

Kogaylord: no

Disarmed: demon

Kogaylord: your fault

Disarmed: I should’ve left you on that street corner where you were standing

Kogaylord: but you didn’t

Kogaylord: and now it’s too late to return me

LambSauce: Damn and we call Pidge a gremlin

HoltMyBeer: yea but my sister is repelled by sunlight

PidgeonOverlord: Choke.

[Why The Fuck You Lion 11:30am]

HispanicAtTheDisco: technically the mayan calender did predict the end of the world

HispanicAtTheDisco: it just wasnt the way we expected

HoltMyBeer: at least when its 3am you have a valid excuse for making me question my existence

[Why The Fuck You Lion 5:45pm]

PidgeonOverlord: someone give me food

PidgeonOverlord: i don't care who

PidgeonOverlord: as long as it isn't a brogane

Kogaylord: wow tell me how you really feel

Disarmed: I'm not that bad am I??

HispanicAtTheDisco: shiro i am going to say this is the most polite way i possibly can because i care about you and respect you and look up to you

Disarmed: oh god

HispanicAtTheDisco: Your cooking could kill a tardigrade

HispanicAtTheDisco: and those fuckers are almost indestructible

Aloola: stop it! he's already dead!

LambSauce: Pidge just come over here like you always do

HispanicAtTheDisco: it's my turn cooking~

HispanicAtTheDisco: i'm making ropa vieja

HispanicAtTheDisco: and also churros for dessert~

PidgeonOverlord: sIGN ME THE FUCK UP

Kogaylord: whats ropa vieja?

LambSauce: its the national dish of Cuba

HispanicAtTheDisco: yknow what? everyone come over and eat with us!

LambSauce: LaNcE wE dOnT hAvE rOoM

HispanicAtTheDisco: not with that attitude

LambSauce: i swear

LambSauce: fine

LambSauce: everyone come over


	8. Hi Thanks For Checking In I'm Still A Piece Of Garbage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *shows up a year late with starbucks*

[HispanicAtTheDisco added LambSauce, PidgeonOverlord, Aloola, HoltMyBeer and Disarmed to a new Group Chat at 5:55pm]  
[HispanicAtTheDisco named Group Chat “Koncerned For Keith 2k19”]

HispanicAtTheDisco: alright can someone please tell me why Keith is acting so weird?

Disarmed: What do you mean?

PidgeonOverlord: he probably just had a good day or something don’t worry about it

HispanicAtTheDisco: he didn’t even smile this much on his birthday pidge

HispanicAtTheDisco: or halloween

HoltMyBeer: who are you and what have you done with lance

HoltMyBeer: the real lance would never be this concerned for keith

HispanicAtTheDisco: sHUT UP HOLT I WILL FIGHT YOU

Aloola: I can ask Romelle, she might know

Disarmed: why would Romelle know?

Aloola: because she and keith are basically siblings

Disarmed: ah

LambSauce: you just want an excuse to talk to Romelle

Aloola: Hunk!

Aloola: that is not the reason!

LambSauce: Sure, Jan

HispanicAtTheDisco: I don't care who asks who as long as i know why keith is acting so weird

PidgeonOverlord: why do you even care so much? 

HispanicAtTheDisco: because I care about my friends!

Aloola: I’ll see if Romelle knows

[Aloola > Ramen 6:00pm]

[Aloola > Ramen]

Aloola: Hello!

Ramen: Allura!! Hello!!

Ramen: How are you?

Aloola: very well thank you

Aloola: I was just wondering if you knew why Keith seems so happy lately?

Ramen: you seriously don’t know?

Aloola: no, and neither does anyone else.

Ramen: LMAO

Aloola: ???

Ramen: Keith’s gonna be so mad when he finds out i told you

Aloola: Keith’s always mad

Ramen: true

Ramen: MCR got back together

Aloola: ...are you serious?

Ramen: as a heart attack

Aloola: …

Aloola: I might scream

[Koncerned For Keith 2k19 6:10pm]  
Aloola: I AM GOING TO SCREAM

HispanicAtTheDisco: wh-

Disarmed: Allura what’s going on?

Aloola: MCR GOT BACK TOGETHER

HispanicAtTheDisco: wHAT

Aloola: THAT’S WHY KEITH IS SO HAPPY

HispanicAtTheDisco: THAT EMO FUCK

HispanicAtTheDisco: OF COURSE THAT’S WHAT MAKES HIM HAPPY

Disarmed: Lance.

HispanicAtTheDisco: What

Disarmed: you’re hopeless

HispanicAtTheDisco: r00d.

[Why The Fuck You Lion? 10:05pm]

LambSauce: you guys ready for tomorrow?

Aloola: No, definitely not. I’m going to be crucified, Lance please smuggle me out of the country

HispanicAtTheDisco: ok what should i tell Romelle?

Aloola: jgtujbndgsdnsf idk i think she’s cute?

HispanicAtTheDisco: You are a true poet she’ll definitely appreciate it

Kogaylord: Not to show emotion but i’m going to destroy you all

Disarmed: You’re on, Keith.

HispanicAtTheDisco: youre on edward knifehands

Kogaylord: I’m going to kill you first

HispanicAtTheDisco: good luck with that i havent been able to manage it yet


	9. Calm Down, Relaxation, Chill Out, Stop Screaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is short and i have no excuse for taking so long please just take it

[Why The Fuck You Lion 5:46pm]

HispanicAtTheDisco: me @ all these dumbass panic buyers

HispanicAtTheDisco: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ew6VhePf0tA

Kogaylord: Lance what

HispanicAtTheDisco: you heard me

HispanicAtTheDisco: Mamá got into a fistfight with some guy in the deli section

PidgeonOverlord: did she win?

HispanicAtTheDisco: what kind of question is that? Of course she did

LambSauce: we love a mom

Kogaylord: can’t relate

Disarmed: K e i t h

Kogaylord: what? It’s true

Aloola: Keith please

LambSauce: Keith do you need a hug?

Kogaylord: What i want is to get blackout drunk, play White Noise as loud as I can and scream

Disarmed: Don’t do that

Kogaylord: what are you gonna do, Shiro?

Kogaylord: you can’t tell me what to do

Kogaylord: you aren’t my mother

Kogaylord: you didn’t abandon me as a baby

HispanicAtTheDisco: jesus fucking christ keith

Kogaylord: guys chill i was joking

Aloola: oh thank me

PidgeonOverlord: did you just refer to yourself as God?

Aloola: Yes.

HispanicAtTheDisco: good news Mamá i have refound religion 

LambSauce: i’m sure she’ll be thrilled

HispanicAtTheDisco: our lord and saviour: Allura Altea


	10. If You Like Pina Coladas And Getting Caught In The Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for mentions of Underage drinking and alcohol in this chapter, if it's not your thing you don't need to read it

[Why The Fuck You Lion 12:30pm]

HispanicAtTheDisco: I just found out Japan’s legal drinking age and it explains so much @Disarmed

Disarmed: Lance, what.

HispanicAtTheDisco: IS THIS WHY YOU’RE ALWAYS SO UPTIGHT?

Disarmed: No it isn’t Disarmed: I’m “uptight” because I’m a recent college graduate drowning in student debt trying to support not only me but Keith as well

HispanicAtTheDisco: damn dude I was only joking

Kogaylord: I’m confused

Kogaylord: what’s Japan’s drinking age?

LambSauce: 20

Kogaylord: Okay, why what’s wrong with that? It seems like a reasonable age.

[AGorgeousMan has joined Why The Fuck You Lion at 12:35]

AGorgeousMan: In Australia the legal drinking age without parental supervision is 18!

HispanicAtTheDisco: CORAN!!!

AGorgeousMan: Lance, my boy!

PidgeonOverlord: what’s the age WITH parental supervision?

AGorgeousMan: 16!

Kogaylord: I feel like that explains so much about Australians

HispanicAtTheDisco: I had my first drink probably at 6 or 7

Disarmed: _LANCE_

Kogaylord: I’m sorry what?

PidgeonOverlord: well that explains his lack of functioning brain cells

HispanicAtTheDisco: Pidge no

Aloola: Lance are you serious?

HispanicAtTheDisco: Yeah I’m pretty sure

HispanicAtTheDisco: Cuba doesn’t have a “legal” drinking age so one day Uncle José just made me a strawberry daiquiri

LambSauce: Uncle José goes hard

HispanicAtTheDisco: yeah he does!  
  
  



End file.
